12/30/08 Year of the Heart

the crushing melancholy I tend and heckle
like a houseplant
being my own peanut gallery
not really wanting to watch the show

you've seen the way
the little heart soldiers
just keep marching

looking without knowing what to look for
not really wanting to find anything at all

and the heart hamster
just keeps running
and running

12/29/08 Jumpin' Jupiter

Let's just remember the good times,
the 30 seconds it took to lose like seventy bucks
at the blackjack table at Jorgy's,
the bargain basement shots at the Lonesome Dove,
the birthday boy's faceplant into the snowbank
while all the kids watched through the open door.

Good times, and a delicious Slippery Saturn to boot,
but I still wish I was somewhere else.

12/28/08 Art for the Artless

We all can't be Silvio,
saying the most painful things
beautifully,
carrying our hearts
inside our guitars,
birds in our mouths.
I don't sing love songs
to Cuba,
usually.

But that doesn't mean
we shouldn't try to live
beautifully,
to transform the things we find
into treasures
and then keep them
in our pockets.
Have dreams
that make us weep.

That is my wish for us,
that we can sing
beautifully,
that we can weep
and find words and
treasures and birds
and keep them in our pockets.
That we sing love songs
to Cuba.
And each other.


Vivamos de corrido sin hacer poesia,
aprendamos palabras de la vida.

Dime lo que te pasa,
dejame levantarte,
dejame darte un beso y curarte.

-Silvio Rodriguez

12/27/08 National Geo-who-ha

Corinne hates National Geographic
almost as much as she hates Christmas.
I got to see Corinne's solstice unclenching,
which was strange and wonderful,
just like Corinne.

Anyway, if she had any idea how much fun
it is to cut and shred National Geographics
into tiny pieces, she might like them better.
Cutting and shredding Christmas,
now that's another story.

12/26/08 Alice Paul

I have a posthumous crush on Alice Paul.
I think I should have learned about her in school,
but I never did.

Learning about her might have inspired me,
which is why I should have learned about her in school,
and probably why I never did.

What I learned in school is that if your ultimate goal
is to be learned about in school,
you ought to consider being a war general

rather than a civil rights leader.
And unless you happen to be Susan B. Anthony,
it's best not to be of the lady persuasion.

12/25/08 Scrabble

__b
n_ o_ o_ s_ e
__o
__z
f _e_ c_ e_ s
_________p_ h
_________a
_________m_ i_ t_ t_ e_ n
__________________g
__________________a
__________________d

12/24/08 Power Through

Got my ass kicked today.
Each day I seem to get my ass kicked in
some new and marvelous way,
and then fall into bed exhausted but still
have to take melatonin to sleep.
Wound up pretty tight,
but I am a warrior.
No sweat.
Head down.
Power through.

Head down power through.

12/23/08 Girlfriends

Two girlfriends ordered coffee.
One was single, one was married.
One lamented the difficulties of dating.
The other said that marriage was awful.

They agreed that men were the problem,
that women and men were not compatible,
that the sexes would best stick together.
Every two girlfriends eventually discuss this.

Every two girlfriends struggle with men.
Every two girlfriends should be girlfriends.
Girlfriends want to have girlfriends.
That's why they have so many girlfriends.

12/22/08 Quiet

The winter is so cold and quiet
there isn't a single smell.
Shhh...
you can listen all you want,
but you won't smell a thing.
Just quiet.
And icy cold smellessness.

12/21/08 Get Over It, Mony

Okay, I need to just stop talking about my raggedy ass holiday feelings
and get over it already.
But they just kind of take over, and there's no school, and then I watched
Mamma Mia, and everybody's flying in tomorrow, and there are angels
and santas and shepherds and candy canes and you order stuff online and it doesn't come,
and I just can't reconcile any of it. Any of it.
And it keeps snowing and snowing and I keep shoveling and shoveling and I hate
living here so much. I am not happy. Not a happy camper.

Okay I'm done.

12/20/08 Tee Hee

I don't have a whole hell of a lot going on
and I'm bitter and passive aggressive
but at least I know that
I'm smarter than you.

12/19/08 Happy Shopmas!

I got caught in a parking lot traffic jam outside Target
on christmas eve eve, which was awkward.

It could have been charming, except that I was late
picking up Cookie from piano lessons,
so instead of being like, no, you go first, I insist,
merry fricking christmas,

I was like, what the hell is wrong with all you people?
Go home and be with your families -
it's your fucking holiday.
I'm not like you at all! I need diapers!
I just came here for diapers!
Let me the fuck out of here!

I had to go back the next day for the diapers.
Whatever. Merry fricking christmas.

12/18/08 Works Well Alone

Okay, well we all know by now
that I go for guys with social problems.
But this is a challenge even for me.

Apparently it doesn't matter how many times I say
that I would rather be alone.
I would rather be alone.
I would rather be alone.

I would rather be alone.
When is somebody going to kill me
(with kindness?)

12/17/08 Pirate Index

Piracy.

And I'm not talking about burning movies on your pc, no sir.
I'm talking about life on the high seas. Yo ho ho and peg legs and scurvy.
It may seem glamorous kids but let's be practical.
As we all know, the pirate population inversely affects
the average world temperature.*
Global warming comes along and we the suckers
take the low road and blame the coal fired power plants.
We are stupid and predictable creatures.

Do your part.
Become a pirate.
The world needs you.
Your destiny calls.

Will you answer?+



*Sea pirates only - no data currently available for butt pirates
+Offer not available to residents of North Dakota and other landlocked areas

12/16/08 Dear Elvis

Dear Elvis,

I have been a very good girl this year.
I hope that you come to my house.
I would like a dependable source of income
and a better perspective on life.
One girl told me that you are not real,
but I believe in you.
I hope this letter gets to Graceland in time.
Travel safe, and goddess speed.

12/15/08 Scrubbing Cupboards

Been more interested in beer and spider solitaire than anything
lately and then bam, the jolly holidays are almost here again and
bam, I am scrubbing cupboards.
All day.
What the hell happened
that I commemorate with scrubbing cupboards?
All day.
Bam.

12/14/08 Normal Model

"Mom, I think you could be
a normal model.

You'd just have to
lose some weight."

I didn't die.
Not right then.

12/13/08 Running Out

Well now I'm running out of time again,
sitting around making treasure maps,
waiting for the snow to stop, waiting
for the year to end.

I only have these few precious days left
to say all the things I didn't say all the other days
when I was trying not to say so many things.
I am not very complicated.

I wish I could take back all the stupid words
and replace them with the things that really mattered,
but even now I am just treading water,
waiting,
filling it up.

12/12/08 A Gift For You

Demetri, I hope things with you are okay.
I mean I hope you haven't invented a maze
and then gotten lost inside of it.
You know puzzles can stop being fun.

I thought I might give you a present.
It's a palindrome: reward drawer.
I've been keeping it in a basket
with all the things I only have one of.

Sometimes when you collect something
it's the only thing anyone ever gives you.
That happened to me when I was ten.
I still have residual penguins.

Anyway, I hope you don't have to build
extra shelves to hold all your stuff.
Here is my reward drawer.
It's for you. You can have it.

12/11/08 Ms. Robot

Excuse me, Ms. Robot,
tell me what's happening.

Out of office auto reply:
I am currently recalibrating my ziggity zoom diddle
and can not possibly process data at this time.

12/10/08 Bunch of Bullshit

God damn it.
It's 30 below outside.
And I'm inside, but
I'm still freaking cold.
It's cold when I move.
It's cold where the air goes up
under my pant legs.
It's fricking cold EveryWhere.
Uh, I can't even think.

12/9/08 Nut Cracker

Did you ever finally decide
that when you grew up
you wanted to be a ballerina?

And then realize that you
figured it out 25 years too late?

You want a nut cracker,
I got your nut cracker right here.

12/8/08 Eulogy for a Walmart Worker

Dear lord, what have we come to?

Dear sweet Jesus hanging up there on the wall,
the reason for the season,
what in the hell is going on
when Black Friday shoppers trample
a man to death at 4 a.m. for a chance to buy
a blue ray whateverthefuck and you,
you,
hanging there all smug.

12/7/08 Barf Festival

If you haven't seen me around lately,
not to worry my dear friend.
I've just been busy hosting a barf festival,
which is only now coming to an end.

The bed, the floors, the hall, the doors,
were showered, caked, and drizzled.
My home a mighty righteous wreck,
for surely and for shizzled.

Of course I had an invitation for you,
but in looking for time to send,
the letter was promptly barfed upon.
Oh shit, I just barfed on my pen.

12/6/08 Fill in the __________

The ________ was hanging there like a
wide-eyed ___________
and I was in a ___________ mood.

You don't want to _________ around
with a _________ in a _________ mood.

The __________ sounded to me like
a ________ ________ and I'd already had
more than a couple of ___________.

I talked like a ________ and you
stood like a ________ and the _________
just hung there like a wide-eyed ________.

A _______, wide-eyed _________.

12/5/08 Fill in the Blah

The moon was hanging there like a
wide-eyed pickpocket
and I was in a foul-ass mood.

You don't want to blah blah around
with a dragon in a foul-ass mood.

The back and forth sounded to me like
a dribbling mad lib and I'd already had
more than a couple of screwdrivers.

I talked like a magic trick and you
stood like a soft-boiled egg and the stupid moon
just hung there like a wide-eyed pickpocket.

A guilty, wide-eyed pickpocket.

12/4/08 At the Peacock

Apparently old men that are drunk like flappers.
And they like the Scarlet O'Hara look, too.

So if you ever want an old guy to dig you,
or even just want a cheer to go up when you walk into a room
("The flappers are here!"),

you should put your money where your flapper is
and take that show on the road, honey.

12/3/08 I Didn't Ask

I had to laugh
when you brought me
purple flowers from the grocery store
for our anniversary

and I opened
the plastic package
and the entire inside of the bouquet
was moldy.

I wondered
if the metaphor
had been intentional on your end
but I didn't ask.

12/2/08 Happy Serfdom

While the zapatistas and others
fight for their right to own land,
in this country we know better.
Owning land is not a right.

If every person asserted their right
to own land, what would happen
to the wealthy landowners?
Owning land is a privilege.

And the rest of us just work
and work and work and work
and never quite own anything.
It's a good system.

Anyway,
you better like it,
because
resistance
is
feudal.

12/1/08 Haircut

What am I doing with my hair?
I'm getting it cut.

Really short.
How short?
Really short.
I want it short enough to regret.

Because it's not a haircut
unless you regret it.
And maybe cry.